Just like music... part 1 (Heartbreak)

So a few people have requested 2 of my playlists. The funny thing about music is that not everything works for everyone.  So my sex mix might not work for you and my heartbreak playlist might not connect with you.  Sex mixes kinda depend on how you like to get down. Some folks like to do it slow and passionately, some folks like to pound. Some folks like the beat, some folks like the lyrics. With heartbreak, some folks like the "he ain't shit"music.  Me i just prefer stuff that relates to what I've gone through. I like to emotionally purge, get as sad as I can get. Get it all out. But i don't like for my music to be THAT sad save for a few songs. But with no further adieu I present my Sex mix and my heartbreak mix (i've included download links to them also) I was gonna post the whole playlists but that'd be like 50-70 songs and would take forever to download. So...I think i was able to pick my top ten, in no particular order mostly

Part 1. Heartbreak


1. I'll Love You More than You'll Ever Know-Donny Hathaway
I'm not quite sure where this song fits in the list, maybe at the beginning is good. Donny's trying to tell his former lover just exactly how much he loves them and all the things he did to show them that but the lover missed it. Lord knows I've been there. This is a good sad song to get the tears emotions flowing. It's like gotdamnit why can't you understand how much i love you?! Okay maybe it's just me
Fav Lyric: I'm only flesh and blood but I can be anything you demand. I can be king of everything or just a tiny grain of sand. 


2. Dreaming with a Broken Heart-John Mayer
This is kinda related to giving up. This song is about loving someone that's no longer in your life. It came through in the clutch for me once and has been a staple on my heartbreak list ever since. John Mayer has some pretty great lyrics: "do i have to fall asleep with roses in my hand? Would you get them if i did? You won't...cuz you're gone" 

3. Walk Away-Christina Aguilera 
I admit I love me some Christina Aguilera that gal got a big rack! can saaang. This song is about walking away from bad relationships but your dumb ass keeps going back. You keep getting hurt but you can't get enough. 
Notable lyric: I can't mend this torn state I'm in. Getting nothing in return, what did I do to deserve
The pain of this slow burn and everywhere I turn, I keep going right back, to the one thing that I need to walk away from

4. King of Sorrow-Sade
I wish Sade Adu (the lead singer only lol) could have married Donny or John Mayer (well aside from his lack of sexual attraction to pink chocolate) they'd make some of the best depressing music ever! This song is just like that "damn why does this kinda stuff always happen to me" The musically this song is amazing in my opinion, and lyrically it's equally as awesome. 
Fav lyric: "I'm crying everyone's tears, and there inside our private war I died the night before and all the remnants of joy and disaster, what am I supposed to do?"


5. Ain't no Love in the Heart of the City-Bobby Bland
I like this song as a change of pace when shit starts getting tooo sad. Worse case scenario if you're too sad you can think about the kanye sample on The Blueprint. 


6. Dying of a Broken Heart -Brooke Valentine
 Don't ask me why I even know this song. I randomly heard it on her album that had girlfight on it. I just like the vibe of this song.  The lyrics are pretty straight forward, this is for when I think I #mightdontmakeit. Also another sleeper song on that album that I like..."Cover Girl" #dontjudge

7. Fine Again- Anthony Hamilton
Anthony Hamilton has a few songs on my heartbreak list but this is one of the more optimistic joints so it can go on the recovery part of the playlist. Where you just tryna convince the other person that it'll work out one day.  It's not totally about heartbreak but I like it.

8. Giving Up-Donny Hathaway 
This song just speaks to my soul. You can hear the pain in Donny's singing. I've often found myself in situations with people where I love them so much that I just can't let go. But I have to usually because they've let me go. This is kinda along the final plea where you start to realize your pain is becoming irrational. They're not coming back, but you just can't let go.
 Fav Lyric: But in my heart i pray that my love and faith in the girl...will bring her back some day" 
Secon fav: Whether she knows it or not, she really needs me toooo

9. Friends, Lovers, Or Nothing-John Mayer
I hate putting an artist too many times in a playlist. Keep in mind that the original playlist is like 60 songs deep. But we've all been in the situation where you just realize it has to be black and white. No more of this gray area nonsense! John puts it out there...Friends, Lovers or Nothing...we can ever really only be one!

10. Gonna Find Another You-John Mayer
My homegirl put me on to this song, changed my life, seriously. I call it the "back away from the ledge" song. This is almost as essential to my playlists as "giving up".  At some point you really feel like the person who left you was so perfect for you, you love everything about them. But the only problem is you can't have them, because they dont' want you. Well you just gotta find somebody who's just like them but not them. Time to move on
Fav Lyric: So go on baby make your little getaway. my pride will keep me company and you just gave yours all away. Now I'm gonna dress myself for two, once for me and once for someone new...oh i'm gonna find another you




I understand that I left so many great songs off the list. We all have our songs. What are some of the songs on your heartbreak list and why? 

If you're interested you can download the playlist here

the next installment will be my babymaking/caking/GTP mix stay tuned

Girls, Girls, Girls part 2

I remember when I first got my heartbroken in high school, I couldn't figure out what I had done wrong. All I did was be a gentleman, treat the girl with respect, bring her breakfast every morning cuz she didn't have time to eat at home, blah blah blah. I was talking to my sister about it and she told me some wise words "Jeremy, you treat a woman like a dog and she'll love you forever".  When she told me this I told her she was crazy.  Afterall she isn't the person I'd go to for relationship advice even though her game is airtight.

Fast forward 8 years and I must say she was dead on. Time and time again I find myself in situations where I've done everything right, the woman has told me that I've done/doing everything right but somehow in the end I always lose.  Whether it's her return to the philandering ex, the underachieving suitor,  the white guy, or some combination of all three (this situation has happened a lot but i don't even remember all the guys lol).

I wasn't ever one to believe in the cliche that nice guys finish last. I mean I still managed to do pretty well for myself. But upon re-examining my past, I realize that my most dating success was when I was at my worst. Those women I dogged out were always ride or die for me. The ones I treated with respect, treated well, all that other good shit? not so much. I figured it's because I'm too fucking nice.  Perhaps they figured I'll always be around or whatever.  I always get some derivation of: you're really great and I can see us being great together...in the future. But I gotta go with this asshole who'll just cheat on me yet again guy who's here right now. A few of em even came back after a while tryna get back tight with me. They get the stiff arm, you want my heart now? Nope ain't interested, I do however have some stiff dick i can give you. That's about it.

But to make shit like this more frustrating is that I always meet amazing women. I can honestly say that the majority of the women I've dated/smashed on the reg, were women who are definitely marriageable. But something just didn't click all the way. How the hell am I supposed to pick one, when they're all amazing? So I get super upset when I finally pick one only to end up losing to some dude who at least on paper isn't up to my level.  Naturally, it's easy to say "oh they don't know what's good for them" but when the situation has happened to you countless times, you have to look inward. I always blame myself first because I have control over my actions/emotions. So maybe it's me. Maybe I just don't know how to pick em. Either way, I'm tired of losing.

Have you ever found yourself in situations like this? Were you equally as blown/pissed? Have you ever passed up a good person for somebody who was worse? What was your reasoning?

"Who you lovin' who you wanna be huggin' huh?  Who you wit? who you wanna be fucking"


J-Full

Here My Dear: Age ain't nothing but a number?

So, one of my favorite Marvin Gaye songs is entitled "I met a little girl".  Admittedly when I first heard it, i didn't know the full story behind Marvin Gaye and this album and song. Basically Marvin Gaye left his wife for a teenage girl. He was the OG, R. Kelly. So the song is supposed to be chronicling his marriage to his then wife, Anna, but the title is clearly a tribute to the new girl (the one in the picture), cuz Anna was old as country dirt (she was 18 years older than young Marvin) when they met and were married.

This situation got me thinking about the idea of people dating someone who's younger/older than them. Let me preface this by saying: I'm talking about people of legal age.

Marvin Gaye, married a woman who was waaay older than him, divorced her and married someone who was significantly his junior. In both cases it didn't work out.

This led me to the question: Can a relationship with a younger/older partner really work out?

In my short 20 something years on this planet, i've dated a few women who were younger than me. Some ranged from a few months to a few years. I think the biggest gap had been 4 years. I'll admit that there's something refreshing about younger women. It's been my experience that they're a bit more optimistic than a lot of women my age. I'm a good man and I hate when chicks try to make me pay for another man's sins. A lot of the young women just haven't had their heart broken to the point where a good man has to suffer. That's refreshing, to get a fair shot at winning her heart. Some men might exploit this naivete but not J-Full lol.

I don't think the age difference is as important as the stage of life. a 22 year old college senior and an 18 year old freshman isn't that big of a deal because they're at the same stage of life. But what about a 25 year old and a 21 year old? It's the same age difference but two different stages of life. One person is firmly in adulthood (or at least should be), the other is likely living carefree with minimal responsibility. That might work out depending on the personalities of the individuals. Some 21 year olds might be very mature, some 25 year olds may be very immature or more carefree. I think dating a younger person who's in early adult hood (read college aged) is being willing to accept that the person you meet may not always be the person they'll be. That's huge time of growth. That's something I struggled to accept once upon a time. But now i'm older and hopefully more wiser and patient. I just had to remind myself that I was once a young man, and think about how much i've changed in the 3 years since graduation. You just hope that if somebody does change it's largely for the better. But if it doesn't you have to ask yourself are you okay with that? Perhaps they changed, not necessarily for the better but also not in a bad way. I think you both have to be willing to grow together in whatever direction life leads.

In general i dont think age differences in relationships are a huge deal especially if they're somewhat close i'd say within 10 years or so. I think both parties can learn something from one another whether it be about being a responsible adult or just how to let loose and enjoy life (this is something i need help with lol).


So readers how do you feel about age differences in relationships? Do you think it's a big deal? Would you date older/younger? what's you're age gap limit?

P.S. I do think some age gaps are downright creepy. Like the 50 year old man with the 19 year old gf. I think once you approach old enough to be your partner's responsible parent, things get awkward lol. but Lord knows Sade's old ass can get it hips deep no rubber! Twice!

Dare to Compare???

About 2 week ago I was out to dinner with some friends from Church. The interesting thing about my church crew is that we're so different. Some of us are a little more open about our spiritual struggles while others seem to have conquered them. It works out nicely most of the time.  Anywho at dinner we got on the topic of premarital sex

Now wit my friends especially i keep it ahunnid-fiddy. I'm not gonna pretend like I don't be out there sinning. That's not who I am. I'm not gonna glorify my lifestyle but i'm not gonna lie. I think the whole holier-than-thou thing turns a lot of folks off from Christianity.

Anyway one of the more spiritually mature friends said that one reason she doesn't engage in pre-marital sex is because she doesn't want to feel like she's comparing her husband to her past lovers. So i guess her reasoning is that if she keeps the numbers down there's less chance that she'll compare.

I can understand where she's coming from but for me girlfriends/wives are in a different group than the random romps. A large part of commited sex is emotion. That alone makes comparisons not only wrong and unfair, but impossible. I've touched on this before in a previous post. But it just seems preposterous to me that anybody would compare their spouse to past lovers. I guess in the sex leading up to the marriage is when the comparison happens. But in my opinion the spouse gets to be in the elite club. They should automatically get to be the best because you've made the commitment to spend the rest of your life with them.  Now as far as girlfriends/boyfriends go, I view them as the best for the moment. I'm not one who compares but everybody deserves their chance to be at the top. So if you're one of those people that compares, do your current partner the courtesy and let them be the reigning champ.  Save the comparisons for the casual encounters.

How do you feel about comparing lovers? Should spouses and committed partners be exempt from comparisons?

Adoption: Noble Gesture or BS family

So I was down in Atlanta a few weekends ago and my sister was dropping me off at my boy's crib and along the way we were discussing our mother. It was comforting to know that she was equally as frustrated with our mother as I was. And while we were on the subject I decided to ask her a question that had been on my mind for a long time: Did I have a younger brother?

To backtrack a little bit. My mother and I pretty much have no relationship at all. Shes basically a stranger. And I'm cool with that on some level. I'm 25, it's too late for the traditional mother-son relationship. And in general she's just not somebody that I feel is worth the energy and stress. It sounds fucked up but I have good reason, trust me. If you know me personally you might understand. But anyway growing up there were always these rumors about my mother and me. There was the "your father isn't who your mother says he is" and then there was "you have a younger brother that your mother never told you about". The first rumor didn't bother me, cuz the dude my mom told me was my dad is in short, ugly. Short, bald, and just not handsome. I was like gosh i hope i don't look like him when i get older.  The second one bothered me a lot more. But nobody ever confirmed the rumor.

That is until a few weeks ago. My sister explained how heart broken she was when she went to the hospital to visit our younger brother only to find out my mother had given him up for adoption. This coupled with a conversation I had with one of my friends got me really thinking hard about the idea of adoption. When I was younger I used to be hardcore pro-adoption. I wanted to give somebody in a similar situation a better life than I experienced.  Basically my whole life was adoption. When I got out of foster care I lived with my sister for a few years, then pretty much the rest of my life I lived with people with whom I had no blood relation. I was always reminded of it in various ways. I look physically different than my sister and my nephews and niece. They all had my sister who they could turn to and have a tangible mother although she wasn't always physically present. I on the other hand had no such person to turn to. I was always threatened with "I'm gonna throw you out the house to go live with your crackhead mama" or "you're not my child, I dont owe you shit".  Unfortunately even people i had blood relation to said things like that to me. Granted life after foster care had it's bright spots but for the most part it was worse. At least in foster care nobody pretended to give a shit about me, there wasn't a fake family. It wasn't a "we love you like our own" Dr. Jekyll contrasted with "you're not my child" Mr. Hyde (or which ever one was the evil one, you get the point).  It was "our job is to take care of you, that's what we'll do"

But when I left foster care i was admittedly already effed up. I was almost 8 and had already been through a lot of trauma. So i could understand it being hard for people to connect with me as their child. But my niece and nephew who have grown up in a pseudo adoption situation since the womb are now going through the same conflicts that I experienced. "These people aren't my real family" In large part they have had a pretty normal life and I don't think they had to deal with the constant reminder that they aren't blood related. Granted the same people took care of both of us but it was diff for them. Which brings me to the question of if it's gonna come to that point where the child is going to want a family to truly identify with is it better to just not adopt? 

I think adoption is a very noble gesture. You're taking someone else's seed under your wing and raising them as your own. And a lot of times if you get them from birth they might not even know they're adopted. Which I think is best. It's technically a lie but it has good intentions at the root. There's also situations where people adopt children of a different race.  That to me is effed up. There's no way that child can't feel some kinda way about that. Yall look totally different. I have a friend who adopted a black baby. She's so adorable. But his wife miraculously got pregnant and now they're going to have a white blood baby. How can you explain to a child that you love them equally when 3/4 people in the household look the same?  I'm not saying that the best relationships are always blood relationships but it's something that's very important for me. There are plenty of amazing adoption stories in the world. But what about the children and their identity? Sure life might be better off, which is always a plus, but is a fake family always better than a blood family? The biggest obstacle that I think a lot of parents who adopt fail to conquer is making the child feel that you love them as much as you do. It doesn't matter if in your heart and mind you love the child like your own if you don't constantly display it to the child, especially if you didn't adopt them very close to birth.

Admittedly the situations I grew up in are probably more anomalous than symbolic, but it's something I often think about. That's not to say I'm not grateful for those who sacrificed their livelihoods to care for me because I truly am. God put them in my life for a reason but I really feel that for me personally I would never adopt because I've been on the other side. That's not to say I won't support things like group homes though.

What do you guys think, are you pro-adoption, anti-adoption, indifferent? Do you feel like you can truly love a child that you didn't birth. But more importantly can you express that love and sentiment to the child?


J-Full

Girls, Girls, Girls!!!

There's nothing like your best friends getting married to make you wonder why the hell you're always the single friend. My 3 closest friends have been in serious relationships pretty much since I've known them. My longest relationship was an off and on tumultuous and sometimes beautiful 2 years. It's something I pondered over the past few days. And I think I've figured it out: I haven't found the woman that just gets me. All of me.

Let me explain further (sidenote: pet peeve alert! People who misuse farther and further annoy the crap outta me!)

I'm attracted to "good girls". Well I'm attracted to a lot of types of women but good girls just do something to me. Part of the attraction to good girls is that they make me feel like I to can be a better person. I wouldn't say I'm a bad person but I'm definitely not "good". I have good qualities though, I think. A while back I was talking to a friend about another one of my friends that I liked and how she would have nothing to do with me because my resume was effed up. My "work history" was too extensive for her.  That truly broke my heart. It would be more bearable if she was like "J-Full, you're just too ugly, too short, too bald" things I don't have control over. But to know that I put myself in a position to be ineligible for her bothered me. And that's the dilemma with a lot of good girls, I always feel like I have to hold something back. I can't tell them everything about me, show them my whole personality. I feel that they won't understand that the same J-Full that can quote scriptures and blog a sermon is the same J-Full that likes to occasionally get wasted! The same J-Full that agonizes over the sinfulness of premarital sex still has the urge to f*ck the sh*t outta you have sex. That's not to say that I want to bring a good girl into my sin but it would be nice to have a chick that I can say "let's go out on the town, drink and be merry, catch cabs home and see where the mood leads us"  So after I explained this dilemma to my friend she told me that my love of good girls was unfair. She equated it to a manwhore wanting to marry a virgin. I wouldn't take it that far but I understand the sentiment. I guess the qualities i see in a lot of the good girls i meet are the qualities I'd want in my wife. But they aren't qualities that I feel I possess all the time and just feel like they can't totally get me.

But then there's another type of woman that I like. The woman who's more like me: loving, caring, yet sarcastically funny, and brutally honest. Who likes to go out and have a great time but def doesn't mind kicking it at the crib watching a movie. I've met a few of these women too. There was this one young lady I encountered who totally charmed the ish outta me. She would say some of the most gangsteriffic ish I've heard but in the next sentence she'd be back to being girly and charming. Reminded me a lot of myself. That was the kinda woman that I felt I could totally be myself around.  But considering I don't think that the way I am now is the way I want to be forever, would I want a woman like that? I guess we'd grow together, there's beauty in that, there's also lots of growing pains lol.

Then there's the issue of me loving them. Someone equated my love life to romantic ADD. Admittedly, I lose interest quickly, but I at least try to be honest about it. I'm not in the business of wasting anyone's time.  I try to be honest with myself too, ask myself: If I were to wake up next to her 2 years from now, how would I feel about it? If that doesn't seem like a good idea, it's time to reassess the situation. It isn't an automatic ender but moreso a signal that we have something to work on to improve the situation. Ok I feel like I'm rambling so I'm gonna sign off now, but before I go...


The question I pose for the 5 people who read this blog is this: If you were to settle down with someone would you prefer a person that's more like the person you aspire to be or a person that's more like you?

Put your number on this paper, cuz I would love to date ya

J-Full