Sunday, February 28, 2010
Late Start to Lent
So I couldn't decide what I wanted to give up for Lent so Ash Wednesday came and passed me by. But today I was doing some self reflecting (if you can't tell I've been doing a lot of that lately) and I've decided that I'm gonna be nice for 40 days. Now I'm not evil by any stretch of the imagination but I do make a lot of mean jokes. Mostly about my friends. I always say that if I don't joke with you then I really don't like you. But for the next 40 days I'm gonna make a concerted effort to be kinder and to severely cut back on the mean jokes and sarcastic quips. I'll let you know how it goes.
A Quick Reflection
I was sitting in church this afternoon and a great feeling came over me. I was thinking about all the things I used to struggle with and how far I've come. I might not be where HE needs me to be but I'm surely glad I'm not where I was.
Amen,
Amen,
Friday, February 26, 2010
Jumpin out the Window
"But, before I jump out the window, what's your name?"- Jay-Z
We've all been in that situation where you're really really feeling someone. You think about them all day. Always wondering what they're thinking, wondering when the next time you'll get to talk to them and pick their brain. You just want to get to know more and more about them. It's intoxicating really. There's only one problem: You've known them less than a month.
Maybe you haven't been in this situation. Maybe it's just me.
Here I am writing about relationship stuff yet again. Truthfully that's never my intention with this blog. But there's one thing I have a lot of experiences with and that's women. I swear I could write a book. You would not believe some of the craziness I've experienced as it relates to women.
So the question I want to pose to the readers of this blog: At what point is it too soon to tell someone you're really feeling them? I was reading an article for class about premarital childbirth and some of the mothers were saying their baby daddies were telling them they wanted them to have their kids within like 2 weeks of knowing them. That's OD to me cuz a child is such a longterm commitment. I imagine none of my friends/readers would do anything THAT foolish. So let's take it down a notch. We all know putting yourself out there is a risky and scary situation. Nobody likes rejection, especially when they've invested some level of feelings in the situation. Now I'm not talking about saying "I love You" cuz that's a totally different timetable.
So, I was discussing this topic with a wonderful young lady; I use the term "young" loosely lol. We pretty much agreed on a lot of things as it relates to this subject matter. We both agreed that the worst situation would be to reveal your feelings only to find out the other person feels a totally different way, or is moving at a toally different pace than you. But later in our convo she mentioned liking a manly man. That presented me with a new wrinkle in thinking about this topic.
If you saw my post about me being called metrosexual you'll know that I'm not the hypermasculine male but I'm certainly very masculine. But I guess that's subjective, whatever, leave me alone! I started to think about how I was raised as it relates to Black masculinity. I was raised that crying was for sissies, never fall in love, fuck these bitches but don't love em. Blah blah blah. In fact one of the most poignant pieces of advice I was given was: "Under no circumstances should you as an unmarried man let your dick and your heart be connected". So that's how I approached life as a young man. I thought being an emotionally unavailable woman conqueror made me more of a man. About 2 weeks ago I met a gay black man who told me something that really stuck with me and seriously got me thinking about emotions and black masculinity. He said: "Straight Black men are the biggest pussies. You run around thinking you're so tough cuz you won't allow yourself to love. That's not tough, that's scared. What takes toughness is being a gay man and unable to be with the man you love because society doesn't accept your relationship. Having to sneak around being afraid that one day somebody might attack you for being gay." That's loosely quoted and it should be noted that he was talking about living in the South. Nonetheless, I began to think about a lot of the things that Black men associate with being strong and manly and a lot of them are just scared punk tactics.
Telling someone how you feel is one of the scariest things you can do. You're totally vulnerable, emotionally naked, exposed if you will. Putting yourself in that situation and having the courage to go through with it, now that takes strength. That's not to say that only Black men face that dilemma but I do think that we're the ones that boast about never doing it because "we're men!".
Now to bring it back to my original point: Women if you've known a guy for let's say 3 weeks and you've been talking/hanging out pretty regularly would you be freaked out if he told you he was really feeling you? Does that make him soft? Creepy? What if you were feeling someone would you put yourself out there and let the guy know how you feel?
Fellas: If you were in a similar situation with a woman and she told you she was really feeling you after about 3 weeks would you run for the hills? Does that make her psycho or courageous? Would you put yourself out there and let her know how you feel?
I know every dating situation moves at a different pace, but at the root of the dilemma is when do you share your feelings with the other person. My pastor always told women "Be the too and not the you". i.e. never tell a man you love him first. But before you even get to that point what do you do? more importantly when do you do it.
Please comment!
We've all been in that situation where you're really really feeling someone. You think about them all day. Always wondering what they're thinking, wondering when the next time you'll get to talk to them and pick their brain. You just want to get to know more and more about them. It's intoxicating really. There's only one problem: You've known them less than a month.
Maybe you haven't been in this situation. Maybe it's just me.
Here I am writing about relationship stuff yet again. Truthfully that's never my intention with this blog. But there's one thing I have a lot of experiences with and that's women. I swear I could write a book. You would not believe some of the craziness I've experienced as it relates to women.
So the question I want to pose to the readers of this blog: At what point is it too soon to tell someone you're really feeling them? I was reading an article for class about premarital childbirth and some of the mothers were saying their baby daddies were telling them they wanted them to have their kids within like 2 weeks of knowing them. That's OD to me cuz a child is such a longterm commitment. I imagine none of my friends/readers would do anything THAT foolish. So let's take it down a notch. We all know putting yourself out there is a risky and scary situation. Nobody likes rejection, especially when they've invested some level of feelings in the situation. Now I'm not talking about saying "I love You" cuz that's a totally different timetable.
So, I was discussing this topic with a wonderful young lady; I use the term "young" loosely lol. We pretty much agreed on a lot of things as it relates to this subject matter. We both agreed that the worst situation would be to reveal your feelings only to find out the other person feels a totally different way, or is moving at a toally different pace than you. But later in our convo she mentioned liking a manly man. That presented me with a new wrinkle in thinking about this topic.
If you saw my post about me being called metrosexual you'll know that I'm not the hypermasculine male but I'm certainly very masculine. But I guess that's subjective, whatever, leave me alone! I started to think about how I was raised as it relates to Black masculinity. I was raised that crying was for sissies, never fall in love, fuck these bitches but don't love em. Blah blah blah. In fact one of the most poignant pieces of advice I was given was: "Under no circumstances should you as an unmarried man let your dick and your heart be connected". So that's how I approached life as a young man. I thought being an emotionally unavailable woman conqueror made me more of a man. About 2 weeks ago I met a gay black man who told me something that really stuck with me and seriously got me thinking about emotions and black masculinity. He said: "Straight Black men are the biggest pussies. You run around thinking you're so tough cuz you won't allow yourself to love. That's not tough, that's scared. What takes toughness is being a gay man and unable to be with the man you love because society doesn't accept your relationship. Having to sneak around being afraid that one day somebody might attack you for being gay." That's loosely quoted and it should be noted that he was talking about living in the South. Nonetheless, I began to think about a lot of the things that Black men associate with being strong and manly and a lot of them are just scared punk tactics.
Telling someone how you feel is one of the scariest things you can do. You're totally vulnerable, emotionally naked, exposed if you will. Putting yourself in that situation and having the courage to go through with it, now that takes strength. That's not to say that only Black men face that dilemma but I do think that we're the ones that boast about never doing it because "we're men!".
Now to bring it back to my original point: Women if you've known a guy for let's say 3 weeks and you've been talking/hanging out pretty regularly would you be freaked out if he told you he was really feeling you? Does that make him soft? Creepy? What if you were feeling someone would you put yourself out there and let the guy know how you feel?
Fellas: If you were in a similar situation with a woman and she told you she was really feeling you after about 3 weeks would you run for the hills? Does that make her psycho or courageous? Would you put yourself out there and let her know how you feel?
I know every dating situation moves at a different pace, but at the root of the dilemma is when do you share your feelings with the other person. My pastor always told women "Be the too and not the you". i.e. never tell a man you love him first. But before you even get to that point what do you do? more importantly when do you do it.
Please comment!
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Wait for it...
Being that I'm a chronic blog reader, I was perusing a friend's blog "The 25 Project" and in a post one of the bloggers commented about making a guy wait 90 days before they could have sex. It certainly wasn't the first time I'd heard such absurdity, in fact comedian turned "relationship guru" Steve Harvey wrote about it in his book "Act like a lady, think like a man". He said make a man wait 90 days for the "benefits". That's how it works in the workplace that's how it should work in a relationship. That's loosely quoted of course.
In theory Mr. Harvey's point seems like a good idea. 90 days isn't that long right? Of course it's not that long but that doesn't make it less silly, in my opinion. It's not that I think women or anybody for that matter should just share their body frivolously with any and everybody. But making people wait a set amount of time is dumb. 180 degrees ago if a chick wasn't down for the get down within 2-3 weeks of kicking it, she got kicked out. Plain and simple. I realize that that might've been a little hasty now that i'm older.
I have lots of female friends who are saving themselves for marriage or really just don't put out. These women often encounter lots of situations where guys lose interest and move on, or cheat on them. The fact of the matter is that if you're worth it, a guy will wait. But lots of times the women just aren't worth it. Shoot, I've been in situations where I've told a woman I didn't want to have sex just yet and she peaced on me. Sexual currency is real. It's not right, but it's most certainly part of today's relationships. Men use sex as a way to express and feel love/love-like emotions so oftentimes sex is more important to them than it is to a woman. Again I'm not sayin that it's right, just that it is.
But let's get down to business, it's been my experience that the "waiters" only want to wait when their partner is horny. But when they're horny all bets are off. I remember once there was a"christian" chick telling me how sex was a sin and she wasn't interested. I said cool. She was somebody I thought was worth the wait. Then she got horny, and even when i reminded her that she wanted to wait all of a sudden that went out the window. I guess we all have right to change our mind. I'm not saying that waiting is wrong. I'm saying waiting for the wrong reasons is wrong. In my opinion when you decide to have sex with somebody it should be about the connection you feel with them. Sometimes that connection is emotional, intellectual, sexual or if you're lucky all three. Buuut the other side of that coin is that sometimes you might not realize how much of a connection you DON'T have with someone until after you have sex. I'm not sure if waiting 90 days can fix that.
There's also the situation where women think: If I make him wait he'll respect me. Let me be honest here. Men generally don't give a crap. We're either gonna respect you or we aren't. It's not related to how soon we have sex with you. It's how you behave around us and expect to be treated. A woman who sexes on the first date then asks if your roommate (whom she's never met) wants to get it too isn't gonna get the same respect as a woman whom just felt she wanted to have sex on the first date and handles it like a responsible adult. *cues the "where are my panties" skit from the Love Below* If you demand to be treated with respect and carry yourself in a respectful manner a man will respect you, otherwise if your demands are too high for him he'll move on. That being said, treating a woman with respect should be a baseline behavior.
Lastly there's the whole notion of getting the milk for free blah blah blah. Holding out isn't gonna make a dude want to be in a relationship with you. He either likes you or he doesn't. Holding out isn't gonna change that. You don't want a man to get with you simply so he can get in the goodies. I'll be honest and admit that it takes a whole new level of thinking to date a woman that you know is NEVER gonna give up the goodies. You have to exercise your heart more than normal to experience the love of the woman. It's not easy by any means. But like I said before, if the woman is worth it, I'll wait. I have before and I will again. That being said, I love physical love too!
By no means am I trying to be sexist in this post. I'm merely writing from my dating perspective. I'm only interested in women so I'm writing about them holding out. I'm sure this post could go both ways; though it's been my experience that women are far more offended when men deny them sex than men are when women deny them sex.
In theory Mr. Harvey's point seems like a good idea. 90 days isn't that long right? Of course it's not that long but that doesn't make it less silly, in my opinion. It's not that I think women or anybody for that matter should just share their body frivolously with any and everybody. But making people wait a set amount of time is dumb. 180 degrees ago if a chick wasn't down for the get down within 2-3 weeks of kicking it, she got kicked out. Plain and simple. I realize that that might've been a little hasty now that i'm older.
I have lots of female friends who are saving themselves for marriage or really just don't put out. These women often encounter lots of situations where guys lose interest and move on, or cheat on them. The fact of the matter is that if you're worth it, a guy will wait. But lots of times the women just aren't worth it. Shoot, I've been in situations where I've told a woman I didn't want to have sex just yet and she peaced on me. Sexual currency is real. It's not right, but it's most certainly part of today's relationships. Men use sex as a way to express and feel love/love-like emotions so oftentimes sex is more important to them than it is to a woman. Again I'm not sayin that it's right, just that it is.
But let's get down to business, it's been my experience that the "waiters" only want to wait when their partner is horny. But when they're horny all bets are off. I remember once there was a
There's also the situation where women think: If I make him wait he'll respect me. Let me be honest here. Men generally don't give a crap. We're either gonna respect you or we aren't. It's not related to how soon we have sex with you. It's how you behave around us and expect to be treated. A woman who sexes on the first date then asks if your roommate (whom she's never met) wants to get it too isn't gonna get the same respect as a woman whom just felt she wanted to have sex on the first date and handles it like a responsible adult. *cues the "where are my panties" skit from the Love Below* If you demand to be treated with respect and carry yourself in a respectful manner a man will respect you, otherwise if your demands are too high for him he'll move on. That being said, treating a woman with respect should be a baseline behavior.
Lastly there's the whole notion of getting the milk for free blah blah blah. Holding out isn't gonna make a dude want to be in a relationship with you. He either likes you or he doesn't. Holding out isn't gonna change that. You don't want a man to get with you simply so he can get in the goodies. I'll be honest and admit that it takes a whole new level of thinking to date a woman that you know is NEVER gonna give up the goodies. You have to exercise your heart more than normal to experience the love of the woman. It's not easy by any means. But like I said before, if the woman is worth it, I'll wait. I have before and I will again. That being said, I love physical love too!
By no means am I trying to be sexist in this post. I'm merely writing from my dating perspective. I'm only interested in women so I'm writing about them holding out. I'm sure this post could go both ways; though it's been my experience that women are far more offended when men deny them sex than men are when women deny them sex.
Saturday, February 20, 2010
25...
warning: this post is long and personal
I turned 25 approximately 2 weeks ago, and I really wanted to blog about the 25 years I've been blessed with. I couldn't really find the motivation to write. Then I read this piece on ESPN about FSU Safety Myron Rolle. It really hit me deep, I'm not a crying man but I'd be lying if I said there weren't tears rolling down my cheeks as I type this post. You should check out the story here
The article spoke about all the pressures that Myron faces because of his extraordinary gifts, blessings, and success. Not to mention the pressure he puts on himself and the pressure put on him by others. Something I can relate to, well sorta.
My whole life I've been different. I never was afforded the luxury of a "normal" life. I came out the womb effed up: 3 months premature and addicted to crack. To make things worse I was severely cross-eyed. I can't even bear to look at childhood pics. I remember as a child I used to pray so hard to just want to be "normal". I know some folks will say being normal is overrated, it's because they've lived a life more normal than not.
But God made me "different" not so much special but different. Growing up I was always really smart. I just understood things the first time, I could recall anything I read or wrote. I was hungry for knowledge. I always got the Jeremy you're so smart, you're gonna be something some day. You're gonna be the first one to go to college. You're gonna go be a doctor. And that's how I grew up. Everybody teling me what I was gonna be. So I let that define me. I know most people would say you can't care what people say or think of you. But that's not who I am. What other people think of me is EXTREMELY important. I always want to be viewed favorably and not let people down. So that's how I approached my life. I didn't set goals for myself, I already had a plan. Go to college be a doctor. I let it consume me to the point that I'd even convinced myself that that's what I really wanted to do and even dreamed about what my life would be like as a team doctor for a sports team. Along the way people always told me the same things...Jeremy you're so talented. Why don't you work up to your potential? I never understood it. At 25 years of age I still don't understand it. I've heard it over and over from football coaches, my piano teacher, my school teachers, and even professors. Add that on top of trying to live up to somebody else's expectations for your life and I'm sure you can imagine it gets tough.
School was always super important in the households I grew up in, a B might as well had been an F when it came to Jeremy's grades. In high school I was too old to get beatings so I kinda slacked off a bit, the fear of a beating didn't make me get an A. I got an A if I wanted to, otherwise I'd just chill and take my B. I knew all along that I had to go to college and be a doctor, so I always made sure to get way more As than Bs.
I got to college and again I was different. Sure, I had more intellectual peers, but I came from a totally different world. People always asked the same questions: What do your parents do? Nothing. Where did your parents go to college? They didn't. What do you want to be? I don't know. They'd gone places in their 18 years that I'd never thought I'd see in my lifetime. They spoke so terribly of the places I'd come from. I hid myself and slowly began to conform to who they wanted me to be. I started out at Duke pre-med. 3 semesters in, I just couldn't take it anymore. I didn't understand how organic chemistry was gonna help me fix a broken leg. Or why the professors seemed intent on trying to give out as many Cs and below as possible. One day my best friend was helping someone with their economics homework. Eureka! I'll major in economics!
Economics was hell! The professors were trying to weed out all the Wall St. wannabes and they were quick to give out the bad grade. I was good in economics in high school so I didn't understand how I could get a D on my first exam. I went to the professor to talk about the exam. She asked why I didn't come to regular office hours. My response: I have football practice at that time. She didn't give me a chance to explain that I was an employee of the football team and not a player. She gave me a scowl and told me that if I got a D on my test then I don't need to major in economics. I left her office immediately. I was angry. How dare she write me off like that?! I told myself that I was going to major in economics and get the hardest degree, the B.S., no matter what it took. Along the way I met a lot of amazing people who changed my life and whom I still call dear friends and mentors to this day. I decided I wanted to go to grad school and get a PhD in something economics related.
Fast forward to 2010. In the six years i've spent in the university setting I've failed more classes than I've ever missed spelling words. I've always had this attitude that if I don't try and I fail then I failed because I didn't try. In some way I didn't try as an effort to rebel against other people's expectations for me. I've always been told how I'm going to be great. How I have so much potential. I just don't believe it. Of course I WANT to be successful at something I just never think it's going to happen. It's an unhealthy defeatist attitude, and I've been working vigorously to alter my mindset. But...there are those times when I say to myself Jeremy this is something you really want so let's work hard for it. The funny thing is, in all those situations I've failed. I used to want to be a good baseball player: failed, football player: failed, basketball player: failed, poet: failed, pianist:failed, economist: failed, jeopardy contestant: failed. The things I find out I'm good at are often things I'm ashamed of. And it does something to your psyche lemme tell ya.
I recently decided to switch tracks in my PhD program. I was doing the economics track but I failed all my classes last semester and a econ class in the spring of 2009. That's about 8 or 9 straight failed exams. My professor sent me an e-mail saying that she could see that I was brilliant but I hid it and that I didn't work up to my potential. Anybody who knows me knows that I'm very hard on myself. I've never been good enough for other people, so I figure if I'm super hard on myself above their expectations, I'll at least be able to meet their expectations for me. But trying to accept another failure was extremely difficult. I told myself I did the best I could and moved on. I probably won't make as much money as my friends but I pray I'll be equally as happy if not happier.
My grandmother's funeral was the day before my 25th birthday. All I heard all day was: "Jeremy we're so proud of you. We always knew you were different. You just carried yourself differently. You were always smarter than the rest of us." Cornell doesn't mean anything to them. They don't understand the magnitude of the caliber of school I'm in. All they know is that I'm supposed to be a doctor one day. So that's what I gotta do. The cycle begins again...
The other day another Cornell student committed suicide by jumping off a bridge into the falls lake gorge. It really hit me hard. Not only because I barely missed the suicide (which I most certainly would've tried to stop) but because I also understand the overwhelming pressures of life. I'm just grateful to God that the pressure of my life has never gotten to the point where I actually jumped. But one thing I've learned thus far in life is that I can't let my past failures deter me from pursuing my future.
Here's to 25 and beyond...
I turned 25 approximately 2 weeks ago, and I really wanted to blog about the 25 years I've been blessed with. I couldn't really find the motivation to write. Then I read this piece on ESPN about FSU Safety Myron Rolle. It really hit me deep, I'm not a crying man but I'd be lying if I said there weren't tears rolling down my cheeks as I type this post. You should check out the story here
The article spoke about all the pressures that Myron faces because of his extraordinary gifts, blessings, and success. Not to mention the pressure he puts on himself and the pressure put on him by others. Something I can relate to, well sorta.
My whole life I've been different. I never was afforded the luxury of a "normal" life. I came out the womb effed up: 3 months premature and addicted to crack. To make things worse I was severely cross-eyed. I can't even bear to look at childhood pics. I remember as a child I used to pray so hard to just want to be "normal". I know some folks will say being normal is overrated, it's because they've lived a life more normal than not.
But God made me "different" not so much special but different. Growing up I was always really smart. I just understood things the first time, I could recall anything I read or wrote. I was hungry for knowledge. I always got the Jeremy you're so smart, you're gonna be something some day. You're gonna be the first one to go to college. You're gonna go be a doctor. And that's how I grew up. Everybody teling me what I was gonna be. So I let that define me. I know most people would say you can't care what people say or think of you. But that's not who I am. What other people think of me is EXTREMELY important. I always want to be viewed favorably and not let people down. So that's how I approached my life. I didn't set goals for myself, I already had a plan. Go to college be a doctor. I let it consume me to the point that I'd even convinced myself that that's what I really wanted to do and even dreamed about what my life would be like as a team doctor for a sports team. Along the way people always told me the same things...Jeremy you're so talented. Why don't you work up to your potential? I never understood it. At 25 years of age I still don't understand it. I've heard it over and over from football coaches, my piano teacher, my school teachers, and even professors. Add that on top of trying to live up to somebody else's expectations for your life and I'm sure you can imagine it gets tough.
School was always super important in the households I grew up in, a B might as well had been an F when it came to Jeremy's grades. In high school I was too old to get beatings so I kinda slacked off a bit, the fear of a beating didn't make me get an A. I got an A if I wanted to, otherwise I'd just chill and take my B. I knew all along that I had to go to college and be a doctor, so I always made sure to get way more As than Bs.
I got to college and again I was different. Sure, I had more intellectual peers, but I came from a totally different world. People always asked the same questions: What do your parents do? Nothing. Where did your parents go to college? They didn't. What do you want to be? I don't know. They'd gone places in their 18 years that I'd never thought I'd see in my lifetime. They spoke so terribly of the places I'd come from. I hid myself and slowly began to conform to who they wanted me to be. I started out at Duke pre-med. 3 semesters in, I just couldn't take it anymore. I didn't understand how organic chemistry was gonna help me fix a broken leg. Or why the professors seemed intent on trying to give out as many Cs and below as possible. One day my best friend was helping someone with their economics homework. Eureka! I'll major in economics!
Economics was hell! The professors were trying to weed out all the Wall St. wannabes and they were quick to give out the bad grade. I was good in economics in high school so I didn't understand how I could get a D on my first exam. I went to the professor to talk about the exam. She asked why I didn't come to regular office hours. My response: I have football practice at that time. She didn't give me a chance to explain that I was an employee of the football team and not a player. She gave me a scowl and told me that if I got a D on my test then I don't need to major in economics. I left her office immediately. I was angry. How dare she write me off like that?! I told myself that I was going to major in economics and get the hardest degree, the B.S., no matter what it took. Along the way I met a lot of amazing people who changed my life and whom I still call dear friends and mentors to this day. I decided I wanted to go to grad school and get a PhD in something economics related.
Fast forward to 2010. In the six years i've spent in the university setting I've failed more classes than I've ever missed spelling words. I've always had this attitude that if I don't try and I fail then I failed because I didn't try. In some way I didn't try as an effort to rebel against other people's expectations for me. I've always been told how I'm going to be great. How I have so much potential. I just don't believe it. Of course I WANT to be successful at something I just never think it's going to happen. It's an unhealthy defeatist attitude, and I've been working vigorously to alter my mindset. But...there are those times when I say to myself Jeremy this is something you really want so let's work hard for it. The funny thing is, in all those situations I've failed. I used to want to be a good baseball player: failed, football player: failed, basketball player: failed, poet: failed, pianist:failed, economist: failed, jeopardy contestant: failed. The things I find out I'm good at are often things I'm ashamed of. And it does something to your psyche lemme tell ya.
I recently decided to switch tracks in my PhD program. I was doing the economics track but I failed all my classes last semester and a econ class in the spring of 2009. That's about 8 or 9 straight failed exams. My professor sent me an e-mail saying that she could see that I was brilliant but I hid it and that I didn't work up to my potential. Anybody who knows me knows that I'm very hard on myself. I've never been good enough for other people, so I figure if I'm super hard on myself above their expectations, I'll at least be able to meet their expectations for me. But trying to accept another failure was extremely difficult. I told myself I did the best I could and moved on. I probably won't make as much money as my friends but I pray I'll be equally as happy if not happier.
My grandmother's funeral was the day before my 25th birthday. All I heard all day was: "Jeremy we're so proud of you. We always knew you were different. You just carried yourself differently. You were always smarter than the rest of us." Cornell doesn't mean anything to them. They don't understand the magnitude of the caliber of school I'm in. All they know is that I'm supposed to be a doctor one day. So that's what I gotta do. The cycle begins again...
The other day another Cornell student committed suicide by jumping off a bridge into the falls lake gorge. It really hit me hard. Not only because I barely missed the suicide (which I most certainly would've tried to stop) but because I also understand the overwhelming pressures of life. I'm just grateful to God that the pressure of my life has never gotten to the point where I actually jumped. But one thing I've learned thus far in life is that I can't let my past failures deter me from pursuing my future.
Here's to 25 and beyond...
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Pretty Girls
Wale premiered his video for his single "Pretty Girls" the other day. It got twitter all in an uproar. So I decided to check the video out. Personally I found the video underwhelming. I did see where all the malcontent came from though. In the Pretty Girls video almost all of the chicks were light skinned. So I guess that sends the message that the only pretty girls are the light-skinned ones. Of course I don't agree with that notion. I love all shades of the brown spectrum. I know some women who are much darker than me who are absolutely gorgeous. And if you tell me they aren't you're blinder than a dead man. I also know women who are very light skinned with long hair that people swear are gorgeous and I just don't see it.
But back to Wale, maybe in Wale's current situation he only likes light-skinned girls. That's fair. People have all kinds of requirements about the kinda people they like. Some women don't like short men, and just like height, skin color isn't something that about which you really have a choice. People don't act like preferring tall people is a crime. But if you prefer light-skinned Black partners you're often shunned. The fact of the matter is that fairer skin is preferred to dark skin in almost all cultures in the world. In some places colorism is really really bad (see Brazil). Of course this blogger thinks colorism is wrong. But I don't fault people for having skin color preferences. If you prefer darker partners you're supposed to be "cool" if you prefer lighter partners then you're conforming to the white man's standard of beauty. Sure, there might be something to that.
But Wale had a song on his album about skin color and all the things he went through because he was dark-skinned, so I def understand how people could be disappointed in his choice of women. That's a song a lot of people like and identified with, myself included. Life was pretty tough growing up because I was one of the darker kids in my family. Everybody else got the awww he's so handsome, i got the aww he must be smart. That does a number on a young kid's self esteem. That being said, I don't fault people for liking a particular shade. But let's say that Wale thinks that light-skinned girls are the prettiest. That's his prerogative. He doesn't owe us anything. But instead of just standing up for his video Wale decided to blame it on everybody else but him. He said he couldn't pick the girls, no dark skinned girls showed up for auditions, blah blah blah. He would've been better off just manning up and facing the decision that was made. If he picked those women because he thought they were prettier then he should've said that. Instead he blamed it on the label and everybody else not named Wale. To make it worse he released a video for a bonus track called "my sweetie" that had dark-skinned women and natural haired women, in an effort to smooth things over with the disgruntled folks, I reckon. Some women took that to say that only light skinned girls get to be pretty the dark-skinned ones get to be sweeties. Eh that's a stretch but it's not devoid of truth. But regardless it's very important for most people to feel attractive, so i can understand how certain women might have felt alienated by the pretty girls video.
The video to me was whatever, wasn't even that tight. I wasn't even offended by all the light-skinned girls. But Wale's response definitely made me upset. He's fortunate that I don't know him personally because I'd lose a lot of respect for him.
in case you haven't seen the video check it out here:
But back to Wale, maybe in Wale's current situation he only likes light-skinned girls. That's fair. People have all kinds of requirements about the kinda people they like. Some women don't like short men, and just like height, skin color isn't something that about which you really have a choice. People don't act like preferring tall people is a crime. But if you prefer light-skinned Black partners you're often shunned. The fact of the matter is that fairer skin is preferred to dark skin in almost all cultures in the world. In some places colorism is really really bad (see Brazil). Of course this blogger thinks colorism is wrong. But I don't fault people for having skin color preferences. If you prefer darker partners you're supposed to be "cool" if you prefer lighter partners then you're conforming to the white man's standard of beauty. Sure, there might be something to that.
But Wale had a song on his album about skin color and all the things he went through because he was dark-skinned, so I def understand how people could be disappointed in his choice of women. That's a song a lot of people like and identified with, myself included. Life was pretty tough growing up because I was one of the darker kids in my family. Everybody else got the awww he's so handsome, i got the aww he must be smart. That does a number on a young kid's self esteem. That being said, I don't fault people for liking a particular shade. But let's say that Wale thinks that light-skinned girls are the prettiest. That's his prerogative. He doesn't owe us anything. But instead of just standing up for his video Wale decided to blame it on everybody else but him. He said he couldn't pick the girls, no dark skinned girls showed up for auditions, blah blah blah. He would've been better off just manning up and facing the decision that was made. If he picked those women because he thought they were prettier then he should've said that. Instead he blamed it on the label and everybody else not named Wale. To make it worse he released a video for a bonus track called "my sweetie" that had dark-skinned women and natural haired women, in an effort to smooth things over with the disgruntled folks, I reckon. Some women took that to say that only light skinned girls get to be pretty the dark-skinned ones get to be sweeties. Eh that's a stretch but it's not devoid of truth. But regardless it's very important for most people to feel attractive, so i can understand how certain women might have felt alienated by the pretty girls video.
The video to me was whatever, wasn't even that tight. I wasn't even offended by all the light-skinned girls. But Wale's response definitely made me upset. He's fortunate that I don't know him personally because I'd lose a lot of respect for him.
in case you haven't seen the video check it out here:
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
Flag on the Play: Interference
I'm in the airport waiting on my flight to board. Luckily for me the Ithaca airport has free wireless! I know i'm not the only one that hates paying for wireless at hotels, airports etc.
So the other day I was talking to two of my best female friends and one of them asked when is it okay for a friend to interfere in their friend's relationship. They don't mean tell their friend what to do or offer unsolicited advice but... well let me give you an example:
Let's say you have a friend in a relationship and you know their partner is cheating on them. Do you say something? I'm sure all of us know of someone who's lover was cheating on them and when they're informed they get mad at the messenger and not the cheater. I had a friend that I was super cool with and she asked me if her man was cheating. I knew he had been cheating for a while and I even gave her details and dates and the parties involved. Well she didn't take to kindly to that and hasn't spoken to me since. I guess they worked things out because they're engaged now. Good for them. Now I have people who are in my super close circle that if they cheated on their partner we'd have serious beef. Mainly because i'm good friends with both people in the relationship. Not that it's any of my business I guess, but I sure as hell couldn't sit by idly and let it continue. I guess I'd say something to the cheater first hoping that they'd stop. But that's just me.
What about you? What should a friend do in a situation like this or in similar situations? Does it depend on how close you are with the friend who's clueless? Or how serious the relationship is? For me I say yes to both. What about you?
So the other day I was talking to two of my best female friends and one of them asked when is it okay for a friend to interfere in their friend's relationship. They don't mean tell their friend what to do or offer unsolicited advice but... well let me give you an example:
Let's say you have a friend in a relationship and you know their partner is cheating on them. Do you say something? I'm sure all of us know of someone who's lover was cheating on them and when they're informed they get mad at the messenger and not the cheater. I had a friend that I was super cool with and she asked me if her man was cheating. I knew he had been cheating for a while and I even gave her details and dates and the parties involved. Well she didn't take to kindly to that and hasn't spoken to me since. I guess they worked things out because they're engaged now. Good for them. Now I have people who are in my super close circle that if they cheated on their partner we'd have serious beef. Mainly because i'm good friends with both people in the relationship. Not that it's any of my business I guess, but I sure as hell couldn't sit by idly and let it continue. I guess I'd say something to the cheater first hoping that they'd stop. But that's just me.
What about you? What should a friend do in a situation like this or in similar situations? Does it depend on how close you are with the friend who's clueless? Or how serious the relationship is? For me I say yes to both. What about you?
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