Thursday, April 22, 2010

Dream or Addiction?

"Momma I got Dreeeeams but dreams don't keep the lights on"- Little Brother

I was reading a blog post over at 3 ways to take it about defining success. The author inquired about defining success and how she was risk averse. That got me thinking about my dreams and how my aversion to risk affects how I live my life. Currently, I'm pursuing a PhD in Public Policy. I enjoy the subject matter and all that good stuff but truthfully I have no clue what I want to do with this degree. I thought i wanted to do one thing when I first got here but now I'm not so sure.

One thing I am sure about is that I love golf. I started playing golf about 2 years ago and I've been in love with it ever since. My first year I shot in the 130s-40 (par is generally 72) which means I took about twice as many shots as was standard for the course. Last year I shot in the 90s most days. Most people can't improve that much in such a short time but I love golf that much that I obsess over it. Unfortunately I've only been able to afford one lesson which I had when i first started back in 2008. My teacher at the time told me I have natural talent for golf. She definitely got me gassed. I will say that I'm pretty damned good for someone with only one lesson and who's been playing for such a short time. But I'm def not tournament golf good. To be good in golf requires a lot of time, money, and practice. None of which I have.

I've often considered playing golf for a living. I just love it that much. I've prayed about it so much that I'm convinced that's not what God has for me. But then I ask myself: why would God let me love something so much that i'm not supposed to have?  Or what if my marked improvement is a sign that it's something I should pursue seriously.  I recently asked a guy from church (who's also my frat brother) to ask his neighbor (a former golf pro) for lessons. Unfortunately the guy doesn't give lessons anymore but he did say that I could play golf with him and he'll help me out. Which to me is the most effective form of practice. I'm hoping that I can get good enough to shoot in the low 80s by the end of the season and compete in the Ithaca tournaments.

The preface of Ben Hogan's Five Lessons states:
"The golfer truly believes in long engagements. He courts a mistress as fickle as she is bewitching. She leads him on with little favors that fill him with hopes of conquest. Then she scorns him and humiliates him...and leaves him despairing...He comes back of course" -Sidney L. James

That perfectly describes my relationship with golf. I just can't get enough of it. I'm constantly thinking of ways to get better. Dreams of shooting in the 70s are always swirling in my head. But I know I have a personality that's prone to addiction, so I constantly have to ask myself: Is it love or addiction? Who knows. If I start stealing car radios to pay for golf rounds, please called A&E and schedule an intervention.

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