Gattaca: Why I Don't Want Kids

I don't know if you've ever seen (or even heard of) the movie Gattica, but basically it's about a society where people have the ability to create the perfect babies. Or at least try to create the perfect babies. But anyway, Recently i've had a few friends have children or inform me they are pregnant. It's scared the bejeezus out of me. They're not my children but it's made me think about how i feel about having children.
To be perfectly honest, I'm deathly afraid of having children. I don't even want to have children really. It sounds horrible but I have my reasons, they're detailed below:

1. Kids cost too damn much!-  I grew up pretty poor the vast majority of my life. I would hate for my kids to experience any of the things that I had to experience. Stuff like not knowing when you were going to eat or wearing shoes with holes in them to school. True story, i had some shoes that when i walked up the stairs you could see my socks. I used to run up the steps in high school hoping nobody would notice. But anyway with kids you have to buy clothes and food and apparently you're also supposed to pay for your kids to go to college. I guess my family and illegal foster family missed that memo. But yea dogs are way cheaper and replaceable by the time they're teenagers . 
2. Kids are bad- Probably one of my biggest fears is that i'll have a child that's a failure in life. Some folks quote the bible on that raise up a child in the way you'd have them to go blah blah (Proverbs 22:6 for my heathens) but i know plenty of great parents who've put their children in the best positions to succeed in life and they've raised welfare queens who are working on a basketball team with 5 different assistant coaches. Or worst they've raised deadbeat dads. I couldn't imagine how i'd feel if my child didn't live up to my expectations. I expect my son to be smarter than me and to be talented, preferably in music and sports two things that I suck at. But a good friend of mine who has two sons once told me: "You're gonna have to have regular children." Every kid can't be extraordinary. And i guess he has a point. But that fear is so real for me. 
3. What if I'm a bad parent?- I'm a product of terrible parenting. It's amazing that I've accomplished what I've accomplished in life. But for all my accomplishments I'm equally effed up, particularly emotionally. There's sooo many mistakes to be made in parenting. There are also a lot of rewards. The same can be said about the lotto though, ain't much sense in wasting money playing though. 

Those of you out there who are parents might say that fear shouldn't keep a person from being a parent but there's a reason that we the instinct of fear. Plus I have 4 nieces and nephews I've been around enough babies in my life. I think i'll just get a dog.


J-Full

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Turn it Up: Love Lessons from Little Brother

The good ol' days

I'm a huge Little Brother fan. They're my favorite rap group. What sucks is that most folks haven't heard of them and they're now broken up. Nonetheless I think they're dope. What I like most about them is they make real life rap. They're not about a bunch of braggadocio and flossing. They rap about how those bills are real, how relationships go sour, how success is shaped by your outlook, and other ill stuff. Lots of folks don't like that type of rap. I never understood that. Jay-Z and Kanye are dope lyricists but I can't relate to their life and probably never will be able to. I'll never own a Hublot watch and i'm totally okay with that. I can relate to Little Brother though, for better or worse. One of my favorite things about LB is that they make great songs about relationships. With no further ado I present my top 3 LB relationship songs and what they taught me (There's links to the songs and the Album is in parenthesis) :

1. Slow it Down (The Minstrel Show)
"I don't wanna play around but I don't wanna settle down, that's a man's dilemma"
"Let's two-step in the name of like"
"I scoop you up in my Porsche. Sike, you know I got a Nissan, that I'm still paying for, still got a lease on"
This is a song I discovered my junior year of college and it really just hit home with me. Sometimes you just don't want to have a girlfriend but you want something steady. It's selfish in a way but it makes sense. A relationship is a lot simpler when you don't have the obligations that comes with the boyfriend/girlfriend title; When you're just having fun with each other and going with the flow. Eventually somebody will catch feelings and want more, then you're in that awkward situation where you're trying to explain that while you do like the young lady a relationship is a step you're just not ready for. It's nearly impossible to navigate this scenario successfully especially if you've already smanged multiple times.

2. Delusional feat. Oddissee (And Justus For All)

"She got that thang about her, the type of thang make a nigga wanna sang about her"
"I used to see her in the back of my mind all the various times, and be like 'damn mama', even my grandfather say you was the marrying kind. Not conceited, she just ask stuck up to weed out the fuck ups"

What I liked most about this song was that it was just a positive song about good women and how they want to holler at. And unlike the  GED-wielding hoodrat anthem "Five Star Chick" the things they highlighted weren't trivial such as paying bills on time.  They were more focused on how a woman carries herself with class. Every man worth a damn can appreciate a song like this.

3. Breaking My Heart feat Lil Wayne (Get Back)
"Having a partner for a man in my position, eliminates the cooks in the kitchen. Still I got a taste for the fast food, foreign cars, many women"
"Women stepping out for love, men do it to cum"
"As long he doing right by you and your kids, how you gonna expect that man not to be who he is? I ain't saying that it's right but we often pay the price cuz a woman's life is love a man's love is life"

This is probably one of my favorite LB songs up until Lil Wayne brings his nonsensical raps on the track. The song illustrates a common sentiment among people in relationships. Sometimes you just get the urge to try something different. This was something that was very hard for me to grapple with. It's like you're not unhappy in your relationship but you still get the urge to be free.  Doesn't even mean you love your woman less. I thought i was the only person that felt like this at times and it had me feeling like crap. I was relieved to find out that I wasn't the only "good"man that still had the occasional urge to be free and explore the other women of the world. But at the end of the day you have to ask yourself if you're willing to risk what you got to see if you can find more elsewhere. I call it the casino dilemma.

Well those are my 3 favorite LB songs about relationships. They have lots of songs about relationships of all types, of course that's not all they rap about but it's something i think they do well. I had great hopes for this post but it kinda fell flat. Hope you enjoyed it nonetheless.

J-Full

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The Hurt Locker: How Drake is Effing Up Our Youth

#WhoHurtYou? Did she have hair like Raggedy Anne?

So I'll be honest, I hate Drake. Yup I said it. I hate Drake. Well okay, let me amend that, I hate him about as much as you can hate someone you've never met. But if I were to be honest with myself, I'd admit that I hate Drake because he represents what I hate about myself. You see Drake is soft. He wears his feelings on his sleeves but even worse he decides to tell the whole world about it.

I guess that's not a crime in and of itself but ya know that's his whole angle in this here game. The sensitive guy. He's the guy that's sensitive to the point of being effeminate and the women eat it up. Well the dumb ones at least. The rational women realize you don't want a dude THAT sensitive. You need to know that if ish hit the fan that he'd at least be willing to throw a punch for you or get punched in the face defending your honor. Drake strikes me as the type to leave his girl behind to get beat up by some hoodrats named after liquor and luxury cars.

So what does this all have to do with me? Well I have two stories I'll share...

Back in 1998 I think I was in like the 7th grade or something.  We had this fake 2pac wannabe in our class and the dude's name was Brandy. And to make it worse he had a nose ring because 2pac had a nose ring. So anyway one day we had a math test and he got caught cheating off my paper. We had a bathroom break after class and he thought I had snitched on him. For the record, I didn't even know he got caught. I was in the hall when the teacher confronted him. So i'm in the bathroom taking a piss when BAM! He hit me in the back of the head and i fell and hit my head on the toilet. It was a middle school bathroom so as you can imagine there was piss all over the floor. Hitting my head on the toilet hurt like hell so my first instinct was to cry. When I looked up I saw a bunch of boys from our class laughing and pointing at me. So now i'm sitting in a pool of piss, possibly mildly concussed, getting laughed at and I'm crying. So before I could get up off the floor and defend my honor a male teacher came in the bathroom and broke everything up. I was his favorite student so he rushed to see what happened. So now i look like a bitch cuz i gotta get bailed out by the teacher. I never felt so humiliated in my life! So what did I do? Not a damn thing! I knew if I got suspended I'd get a beating of epic proportions when I got home; plus it was swim season and I didn't want to get kicked off the team.  But at that moment I decided to never cry in public again. In fact I didn't shed a solitary tear for about 6 years.

Then college happened and I got introduced to the game. I was a freshmen in college and this chick that I lowkey had a crush on made my dreams come true, if you catch my drift. She was by far the finest chick that had ever showed me any interest in the 19 years I had been living. She was the kinda chick that oozes sexy. You couldn't put your finger on why you wanted it but you always knew when you were around her you wanted it. She never did anything overt she just kinda massaged your soul and your loins whenever she spoke to you. Now this is a lot for a newly minted 19 year old to handle. So anyway long story short, I got lucky a few times and she started acknowledging me in public. She was an upperclassmen and pretty popular so it was a big deal to me.  In fact I couldn't wait to tell my boy about it. Well time passes and I caught major feelings...then I had the kinda epiphany we all hate: when you realize it was just sex.  She didn't have the kinda feelings for me that I had for her. And I found out in the worse way possible, but i'll spare you that detail.  Well for the first time in 6 years I shed a tear. I hated myself for it, I hated her for it too. She technically didn't do anything wrong. She never promised me anything and didn't owe me shit. But I hated myself for being so soft. That's when I received some wise words. A friend told me: "Jeremy, your heart and your dick should never be connected unless they need to be connected. And the only time they need to be connected is with your wife". These are words I'll pass along to my son.

Now that's Drake's whole deal. His whole image is that hurt you have when you find out it's just sex to the other person after you've been all up in your feelings. He takes emotional vulnerability to a whole new level.  We all hurt sometimes but that can't be your whole deal. Where's your pride Drake?! Some stuff you gotta keep to yourself! If you gotta tell somebody, tell your boys. They'll likely clown you but you know at the end of the day they got your back. Meanwhile Drake is on Necole Bitchie talking about how Rihanna broke his heart and how he's lonely. Get a grip man! Stop wearing your heart on your sleeves. Stop making songs about drunk dialing chicks when you know she has a man. Chill with that "woe is me, the lonely famous guy". We don't feel sorry for you dude.  And the worst part about it all is his brand of music is so popular. Grown men and impressionable boys are out here wearing jeans sized for toddlers and women's jeggings. Young people just don't have any pride nowadays, and it's just sad. I could blame Drake for it all, but somewhere his daddy failed him. Drake reminds me of two low points in my development as a man, and I'll be sure to put my son on to game so he doesn't make those same mistakes. Those things happened before I was old enough to drink...Drake is a grown ass man, he gotta toughen up!

Glad to be back in the blogosphere,
J-Full

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Maybe next year Bron...

Somewhere Dan Gilbert is pouring expensive champagne on a cocktail waitress and snorting China White goodness off a tabletop. The haters rejoice. Personally, I'm pretty sad. It feels like the 2006 NCAA tournament all over again. I've been a Lebron James fan since I read about him in the hoops magazines in the barbershop when I was in high school. We're the same age, so after T-Mac and Iverson went downhill I gravitated towards Lebron. He's a great player. Are there parts of his game I think need improving? Absolutely. Do I love to watch him play? Definitely. In fact, if you look at all the games I've watched on NBA League Pass, about 80% had Lebron playing in them.

Tonight hurt bad. The heat were supposed to win. They have 2 of the best players in the league on their squad. And Chris Bosh, while not exactly a force, certainly isn't a bum. Dallas is a good team. I really like how Dirk has developed into a killer. But I wish he could've done it against somebody else's squad. I really wanted the heat to win. Bad.

I defend Lebron, kinda like I defend Duke. Sure Duke has far more haters (and championships) than Bronzilla. But, I cant stand to see the haters get what they want most: a Lebron failure. Somewhere in the past year it was no longer cool for a man to decide where he wanted to work. The Decision kicked the Lebron hate into high gear. Sure it was a spectacle; but when you're one of the best players in the league you can announce your job change however you want. But when Bron did it, it was wrong.

Now 11 months later, the Miami Heat are ousted from the playoffs. They made it to the finals, which is an impressive feat. They even looked unstoppable for about 42 minutes a game. And then there were moments where they looked like they were running a middle school offense. 1 vs 5. Then the German and the Jet, dropped a blitzkrieg on Miami and Miami gave up. I couldn't understand what my eyes were witnessing. I kept expecting Miami to claw back in it. To flip the switch. The sands were escaping the hourglass and it seemed like I was the only one that cared.

This could be a blessing in disguise for Miami. Maybe they needed to get embarrassed like this to spark a fire in their gut. Maybe a full offseason will help them develop an offense beyond "pass the ball to Will". I really want to Lebron to win multiple rings so he can finally get the credit he deserves. Sure he played like crap in the finals, but people act like he's never been spectacular before. But then again it's all about "what have you done for me lately?".

Lately, the heat have let me down. But then again, there's always next year. Afterall, I'm used to this...I'm a Braves fan. Here's to 75-7 and the hardware! I'll toast to that!

J-Full

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